Drakiepoo
by lizbennett
Summary: Is Ron having a nightmare? Or is his best friend really going out with...Malfoy!


This fic is rated PG-13/R and should be read with caution. The characters belong to JK Rowling and Company.

Involves characters Draco, Harry, and Ron. If slash is not your style, please press "back button" immediately.

"Draco!"

"Harry!"

"Come over here and give me a hug!"

"Oh my gawd, I like, haven't seen you in ages! How's it going, hon?"

"Totally awesome! I haven't had such a fun summer in ages!"

"Tell me about it!"

"I'll tell you all about it after DADA class, ok?"

"Ok, don't forget!"

"How could I?"

"Since when are you and Malfoy such chummy chums?"

"Since, like, last year."

"But last year you two told each other to fuck off!"

"We did, that's how we became so close."

"You fucked each other?"

"Don't be so crude, Ron. I prefer the term "making love."

"You and Malfoy made love?"

"Ron, not so loud! I don't want all of Hogwarts to know what I do in my personal life!"

"So you and Malfoy did fuck each other!"

"Ron, please! We're not in a garbage chute!"

"I just don't see the mechanics of it! I mean, when Hermione and I hump each other, at least we know where everything goes!"

"Well, let me explain it to you in a delicate fashion. Let's say that if I bend over for Draco, I know he'll stand up for me."

"WHAT?"

"Calm down Ron!"

"Calm down! You're telling me that you and Draco have been screwing each other this past year, and Hermione and I knew nothing about it?"

"How could you and Hermione know anything of it, when you two were too busy with yourselves!"

"But still…you should have told us!"

"If I hadn't found you and Hermione standing up in Mr. Filch's closet making noises loud enough for the centaurs in the forest to hear, then I wouldn't have found out about you two!"

"Ewww…now that you mention it, I'm glad I haven't seen any proof of you and Draco "making love". I'd probably go blind."

"Not blind, maybe just stunned at how flexible we can be."

"Huh?"

"Surprisingly, Draco can do it while upside down standing on his head."

"Which head?"

"The one that's…Ron!"

"Well, you started it with "Hellooo…darling! How've you been!" (falsetto)

"I highly resent that. Draco and I try as hard as we can not to overly publicize our sexual preferences."

"_Overly_ publicize is right! Keep this up and everyone will think you two are married and expecting!"

"Well…Draco and I haven't discussed our future together yet."

"Oh pardon me. What are you planning? A cottage with a white picket fence, lace curtains, floral wallpaper, and expensive china?"

"Ron! Draco and I have more…manly taste than that. We were thinking a brown picket fence and blue curtains _without_ lace."

"I thought you hadn't discussed your future together yet?"

"That's not so much of a future as it is a dream, Ron."

"I keep wishing that all this _is_ a dream. Or more likely, a nightmare."

"Why do you say that? Draco and I have never been happier than we are now. The poor thing's father abused him dreadfully as a child, you know. And even after he was sent to Azkaban, he kept trying to threaten Draco with letters stating that if he didn't report to Voldemort, he would be killed."

"Oh _poor_ Draco. At least his parents are still alive and he has a mother that takes care of him and he still has all his wealth."

"Draco and I are in the same boat, Ron. We both have to defeat Voldemort in order to save the world, including ourselves."

"Oh? How did you find all of this out, anyway?"

"Draco confided in me. One night I was walking down the halls and I heard someone crying, and it was he. He was too terrified to care who I was or what he was telling me. I was afraid he would turn back to his old self the next day, but surprisingly he didn't. He's really a dear sweet boy."

"Are we talking about the same Draco? Or is this a fictional character you made up?"

"Whom else would I be talking about?"

"I don't know. I have a headache. I think I need to lie down right now."

"But we have Charms right now!"

"You go ahead. I think I should go to Nurse Pomfrey. Hopefully she'll concoct some potion that will wake me up to reality."

"All righty then, Ron. If you see Drakie-poo after you leave Nurse Pomfrey, tell him I'll meet him for lunch."

"Drakie-poo?!"

"Oh…tee hee! That's what we named it. Well, ta ta!"

"_Named_ it?! Merlin, please wake me up now!"

"Ron! Get up!"

"What?"

"It's almost noon! We have to leave for Hogsmeade soon! Remember?"

"Harry! Your voice is back to normal!"

"What are you talking about?"

"It doesn't sound…you know…falsetto anymore!"

"When did my voice ever sound falsetto?"

"In my dream! You…you were…having sex with Draco!"

"WHAT?"

"Thank Merlin it was only a dream! I kept praying that it was!"

"I don't think something like that could even happen in a dream, Ron!"

"I hope so."

"Oh, by the way, Hermione wants to see you."

"About what?"

"She told me she has to go see Nurse Pomfrey about the ineffectiveness of a birth control potion."

"WHAT?!"

The End.


End file.
